


Where We Went

by geetrick



Category: Bandom, Fall Out Boy, My Chemical Romance, Panic! at the Disco
Genre: F/M, Gen, Growing Up, Happy Ending, I need help, Jesus - Freeform, M/M, Moving On, Oh god, Reconciliation, So yeah, Some angst, above tags are more of a warning, aka my bandom outsiders/that was then this is now/rumble fish au, all I'm saying is Patrick is Ponyboy, and there are flashbacks every other chapter, and you can figure out the rest on your own, anyway, but most characters line up with preexisting ones, did i get all the characters?, i have no reason to write this, like it or perish, no you don't need to read the outsiders to understand this, the death is all in the past, there are definitely grammatical mistakes, this is such a bad idea, welcome to the mindfuck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-21
Updated: 2018-12-21
Packaged: 2019-09-24 04:20:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,986
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17093936
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/geetrick/pseuds/geetrick
Summary: Years ago, the realities of several teenagers were changed forever. They watched sacrifice, pain, love, and the truth play out in front of them. Lives were cut short, bonds were broken, sanity and normalcy was spared in small amounts.Now, everyone has grown up. Some of them want to move on. A number want to hold into the past. Others want to fix it. Everyone must choose which they want, and that choice will determine how their futures play out, or if they have one at all.





	Where We Went

**Author's Note:**

> The first two chapters are Geetrick af so

November 07, 1971

It had been over five years since Patrick had seen Gerard.

It had been over five years since anyone had seen Gerard, actually. He'd been arrested at the age of sixteen, out of his own house, and sentenced almost immediately after. Patrick still remembered that day, the way his heart sunk and almost shattered into his stomach when he heard the news, the way Mikey practically became a ghost of his former self, the way Pete cried. Though Pete wasn't crying only for Gerard. He was crying other reasons as well; Patrick still wondered how Pete managed to survive that year.

Patrick still felt his heart sink when Gerard was mentioned, either by his friends or other people in passing. He still remembered, in vivid detail, the small amount of time he spent with Gerard. Patrick had heard Gerard obsess about all of the comic books he loved to read before he had to sell them all, all the movies he loved to watch before his family had to sell the TV, and the games of pool he used to play at the local bar before the owner was killed and it closed. He always lit up when Gerard was around, something he'd had a hard time doing after Dallon was killed in that fire and Brendon had gotten himself murdered a year and a half earlier.

Looking back, Patrick knew he had a crush on Gerard. And, even now, at the age of twenty, he didn't blame his younger self. Gerard had been a year older than him, a type of devilishly handsome, with his dyed black hair and crooked, rebellious smile, and just been a generally fun person to be around. He was a rebel, who lived in the spur of the moment, the kind of person Patrick had needed to help him loosen up. The kind of person that Patrick wished he admitted his feelings to instead of denying them as soon as he was sober and the sun had rose above the buildings.

So, when Gerard showed up at his doorstep completely out of the blue, all of those mixed up feelings came rushing back. He was just standing there, waiting for Patrick to say something, anything. But, Patrick couldn't; he was too busy staring, trying to convince himself Gerard was really there.

"Hey, Patrick," he said after a while. He smiled, looking awfully relieved to see Patrick. Patrick couldn't help but notice that Gerard still spoke in the same warm, slightly awkward voice he used to have. "You remember me?"

"Never forgot." Patrick was still in a state of shock. He wondered briefly if his response had sounded strange, so he followed it with, "I don't think many people did."

"Nah." Gerard shook his head, "Most of them forgot all about me. All of the people down at Bert's old place thought I was from out of town. They thought I was a cousin or something when I went asking where I could find you."

"Oh." Patrick scanned Gerard up and down. He still looked relatively similar when he was sixteen. He'd grown quite a bit though, gotten a bit thinner. and the black dye had long faded away, but he was otherwise the same. "I guess the people who go there now are different."

"Tell me about it. They all knew who you were, though. The hero boy." Gerard smirked at him, and Patrick felt his stomach flip and the blood rush to his face, the same way it used to when Gerard would smile at him years ago.

Old habits die hard, I guess, Patrick thought to himself. You shouldn't still feel this way about him. Its been five years. All we did was spend one night together. He's probably a totally different person now. You should feel lucky that he even remembered you enough to ask around for you. He took a deep breath, trying to recover from what Gerard had told him.

"I still don't think I deserve that much credit," he said, scratching the back of his neck. "Dallon and Brendon did just as much. Dallon did more, actually, I was just the one that lived."

"And that's impressive around here."

Gerard did have a point, but Patrick really didn't want to admit how much truth there was to his statement, so he just muttered, "Thanks, I guess," and changed the subject. "What are you doing here?" he asked. "Not that I'm not happy to see you. I really wanted to. But, why did you want to come here? Didn't you just get out of prison?"

Gerard grumbled something inaudible after Patrick mentioned prison. A strange glint came to his eye, something almost wild-looking. He grit his teeth together, as if the mere memory of his time behind bars caused him unimaginable anger.

"Sorry," Patrick apologized sheepishly. "I won't bring it up again."

Gerard swallowed his rage, obviously relieved, "Thanks. That's why I like you, Patrick. You always figure out what to say."

Patrick blushed again, before he realized that he now didn't know what to say. Luckily, Gerard did.

"You were wondering why I came to see you before anyone else?" Patrick nodded, and Gerard continued with, "I couldn't think of anyone else I wanted to see more."

Patrick could feel himself starting to sweat, "Really?" He was still having trouble believing that Gerard wanted to see him, much less that he was the top person he wanted to see. All those years ago, when the gangs were still a thing and Patrick had two brothers instead of one, Gerard was considered one if the coolest people in town. He was beloved by the greasers and the hippies alike, hell, even the rich kids on the other side of town had a begrudging respect for Gerard. And, yet, he wanted to see him, the slightly younger kid he'd been friends with for less than a year.

Gerard shrugged, "Of course. We were good friends, probably the closest one I had before I...you know. Except for..." Gerard paused, and Patrick instantly knew why.

"I know," Patrick said. "Mikey told me what you told him."

"That I hated him?"

"Yeah." After a few seconds, he added, "Do you still hate him?" 

"Yeah." Gerard paused, probably to avoid expressing every negative emotion he felt toward the man he once considered to be like a brother. He knew exactly why Gerard hated Mikey. He just didn't want to bring it up. The entire situation brought back horrible memories that were better off untouched I or the both of them. "Not as much as I used to. I still don't want to see him though."

"I take it you haven't seen him in a while then?"

"Of course not. He didn't try to visit after I told him not to." Gerard laughed, and that strange look that made him seem almost insane came back to his eyes as he did, "That was smart of him too. I probably would have killed him."

Patrick nodded, trying to ignore how unsettling Gerard's borderline psychotic expression had been, "Is that the reason you're here? You wanted to avoid him?"

"Yeah, there's that. They only gave me enough money for a bus ticket here when I got out, and I was hoping he'd left town by now. He was a smart kid, so he probably got to do that all right."

Patrick frowned, "They only gave you a bus ticket? Do you have any food? Or a place to stay?" 

Gerard shook his head and dropped his eyes to the dirty carpet outside of Patrick's apartment, "Actually, that's the other reason I'm here. I was hoping you might be nice enough to let me stay with you a while."

Unable to even look Patrick in the shoe, Gerard kept concentrating on the floor. He looked like a dog going home from a fight with his tail tucked and his honor gone. And that was exactly what he was. Gerard had no money and he never even finished high school, so college was completely out of the question. He had no family, barely any friends. He was stuck in a rut, and he needed help out.

Patrick kept reminding himself that Gerard was almost definitely different now, compared to who he was when they were actually friends. Hell, he didn't even know if they could even get along now. Prison definitely would have changed him. He already had two roommates, and he didn't know if Joe and Andy would be willing to take in a fourth person.

Yet, he couldn't just leave him out on the street. He could probably do well catching up with an old friend. Joe and Andy probably wouldn't mind having another person who could help with the bills. Besides, Gerard was a friend, and Patrick wanted to help him any way he could.

"Of course," Patrick said. He gestured inside, asking, "Do you wanna come in?"

"You mean it?!" Gerard asked, clearly shocked at Patrick's offer. Patrick just nodded and strolled backward into the apartment, letting Gerard follow behind him.

Gerard looked around in wonder. The apartment wasn't that special; all the main room had was a couch, an old black and white TV, a table with four scratched-up chairs around it, and a tiny kitchen. Patrick about to apologize for how crappy it was, before he remembered that this was the first home Gerard had been in for five years.

"You have a nice place," Gerard told him. "I like it."

"Thanks." Patrick sat on the couch and allowed Gerard to sit next to him. Gerard sat abnormally close; Patrick just took a deep breath and tried not to read into in as much as he wanted to. "Andy and Joe should be back soon. I think they just got off of work."

"Do they also live here?"

"Yeah."

"That makes sense," Gerard said, leaning back a throwing his arm over the back of the couch and behind Patrick, who's heart started to beat faster them before. "Andy's your brother, and he and Joe seemed pretty close when I knew them. What about your other brother, Frank? Where is he?"

Patrick froze. His brain forgot everything for a few seconds, before he looked down at his lap and said, "He died. Three years ago, he got drafted and..."

All the color drained from Gerard's face, "Oh. I'm sorry. I didn't." Gerard put his arm around Patrick and pulled him closer.

They sat in silence for a what felt like hours. In reality, it was at the most five minutes, but it didn't matter. Gerard gently stroked Patrick's arm, and Patrick could feel his stomach dancing with butterflies.

Patrick wanted so desperately to ask Gerard why exactly he still liked him enough to come to him of all people, and if he maybe wasn't reading into Gerard's actions too much, and if that one night they spent together meant anything. But he didn't want to make it awkward. After all, both of them had so quickly denied that night had any meaning. 

"What about everyone else? What happened to the rest of our friends?" Gerard asked. 

Patrick thought to himself for a couple of seconds, "Out of my old gang? We kinda went our separate ways after the rest of the gangs split up. Joe and Andy are still here with me. We all go to the college downtown. Ray got drafted with Frank and...yeah. And I dunno what happened to Pete."

"What do you mean? Are him and Mikey still together?"

"No." Patrick found himself leaning back onto Gerard for comfort. He hadn't talked about all his old friends in years. "Mikey kinda lost it after you...left. Him and Pete couldn't get along anymore, and then Pete decided to skip town a few years ago. He sends postcards sometimes, but I haven't actually talked to him recently."

"What about Jon?" Gerard asked this with a lot more interest than his others, looking directly at Patrick lying on his shoulder. Patrick had a feeling he knew why Gerard was so curious as to Jon's fate, but he knew that he probably shouldn't ask for the reason.

"Oh, Jon? He's still here. For now. He's leaving for college down south in a week. He finally talked his parents into letting him stay there."

Gerard nodded, grimacing slightly, "They always act like that with him?"

"Yeah. Ever since the incident, they got really protective of him." Noticing Gerard's expression, he asked, "Is something wrong?"

"Yeah, it's just...did they ever do that to Pete? Or was it just all their other kids?"

Patrick shook his head, "No. Their mom never liked him. I mean, he wasn't hers, but still. One of the reasons he ran off in the first place is because he wanted to find his real mother."

"I see." Silence overtook them again. They still sat cuddled together on the couch, Gerard's face buried in Patrick's hair. They remained this way for awhile, before Patrick straightened himself out and looked up at Gerard.

"What are we doing?"

Gerard shrugged, "I don't know. It just felt right. Do you wanna stop?"

"No, it's just..." Patrick took a deep breath, his heart pounding as he asked, "Do you remember, like five years ago, the night of the school dance? When you and I were sitting in the parking lot and you...you kissed me?"

Gerard flushed a deep red, "I didn't think you remembered that...Do you remember what else happened?"

"In the back of Bert's car? Yeah." He smiled to himself, "I really liked that..."

"Is that just because you were drunk, or what?" Gerard raised an eyebrow at him. That was what Patrick, as well as Gerard, had claimed happened to him.8

"Or what," Patrick told him. "I don't know if this means anything to you now, but I really liked you when we were younger. Actually, I still kinda do." 

He froze the second Patrick said that, eyes wide. For a second, Patrick thought he'd ruined everything, and that he now had no shot with even being friends, until Gerard finally said, "I did too. That's part of why I wanted to see you so much. I wanted to make sure you were okay, and maybe..."

Patrick was speechless, something that Joe and Andy would have considered to be a sign of the apocalypse. Gerard want saying anything either. Both of them just stared at each other, waiting for something to happen. Time stood still, before Patrick finally said "Fuck it," grabbed Gerard by the shoulders, and kissed him.

Gerard instantly melted into him, pulling Patrick onto his lap and holding onto his hips. Patrick slid one of his hands into Gerard's hair, and the other to the side of his neck. His head was spinning so fast, he didn't think it would ever stop. Everything about this felt so beautiful, so right...

"Uh, Patrick?"

Patrick snapped out of his trance, only to find Andy and Joe standing by the door, staring at him in shock. The blood drained from his face, and he could feel himself growing faint. 

"I can explain!" he stammered, even though there was no way he could deny his red-stained lips and current position with Gerard.

"Out of all the ways you could have chosen to come out, I don't think this was the most tactful," Andy told him. He didn't seem disappointed in his brother, but that didn't do much to calm down Patrick, who seemed to be on the verge of blacking out. Immediately sensing this, Gerard got off the couch and let him lie on it, as he ran his fingers through his hair.

"It's okay, Patrick. I don't think he's mad," Gerard comforted. Patrick had always had issues when it came to his consciousness. As a teenager, he'd always tended to pass out when he was stressed, and Gerard had been around to witness some of it.

"Oh no," Andy said, "I'm definitely mad. Just not about what Patrick thinks." He elbowed Joe, probably trying to get him to break the silence. Joe stared at Gerard for a second, before he seemed to realize what Andy wanted him to say.

"Aren't you that guy that got arrested for-?"

"Yep," Gerard interrupted. "I just got out and Patrick invited me to stay with you guys, 'cause I don't have a home to go back to."

"What about your mom?" Andy asked, not even pretending he wanted Gerard to be anywhere near them. "Or your brother? Can't you stay with them?"

"I can't."

"Well, why not?!"

Joe seized Andy by the collar and half-whispered, half-yelled in his ear, "Mikey's mom died two years ago, remember? He lived with them."

All the color drained from Andy's face. He stuttered, failing to recover his train of thought, "Oh, well...I guess he can stay...He better not get into any trouble, though." He pointed at Patrick, who was still in fetal position on the couch, "I mean it."

As soon as Andy turned his back, Gerard rolled his eyes and brought his attention back to Patrick. He had calmed down a sufficient amount, at least enough to realize that nobody wanted to hurt him, but he obviously was not going to be himself for a few hours. Gerard sat on the floor by him. He reached up and took Patrick's hand in his, stroking his thumb over the soft skin.

"It'll be okay," Gerard whispered. "Everything is just fine."

"And it better stay that way," Andy muttered from across the room. Gerard sighed. He knew from experience that the protective older brother thing was real, he was just never on the receiving end of it.

But, Andy's approval didn't mean anything to him. Only Patrick did. And he wasn't gonna let him slip away so easy again.


End file.
